Have you heard of my Craigslist success story? Let me tell you a little about it – who knows, maybe life has been kinda rough lately – and you needed something ridiculous to boost the old spirits.
The below advertisement appeared on my local Craigslist to sell my, how should I say this nicely, ummm …. ‘lovingly used’ van. I just happened to be walking by the technology section of Walmart, and saw on the end cap, a big display for iPad. I was amazed to see such a product in Walmart – so I said to myself, “Self, if Apple has allowed it’s beautiful newborn into the likes of Walmart, then why not use their tag line and allow their ability to focus on the good and make not-so-great things sound okay bleed into a similar ad for your van?” I wanted little hassle on the transaction, make it colorful, and maybe even make it onto ‘the best of Craigslist’.
… and that, kids, is how iVan was born. (and sold in 2.5 days with no hassle)
iVan – A magical and revolutionary device at an unbelievable price
iVan, developed from the engineers in the mitten state and based upon the voluminous 7-passenger Plymouth Voyager platform that has lasted families for years, is now available for purchase at an unbeliever price.
iVan is unique, and not just in VIN only, but in character and experience. Turning 23 this past May, it has learned a lot of lessons, has passed the ‘age of irresponsibility’ and graduated with a masters degree from the College of Hard Knocks. iVan’s fuel pump proudly sings out it’s alma mater’s fight song no matter if it’s a run to the store or to work. iVan is an avid runner, having accomplished races such as the 5k, 10k, 26.4m, and most recently 209k.
iVan is a game changer in the world of vehicular and motorized people movers, revolutionary in its amazing ability to drive on a single world class tire, with three fully depreciated rubber spares each having their own independent design. This independent design theme follows from the wheels, to the spotlighted refueling port, to even the inside roof, i.e. headliner, of iVan. Many considerations were put into the headliner which resulted with a ‘flowing’ implementation to convey the forward thinking and constant variability in your life – you push the downswing of the headliner and it responds. iVan is just intuitive.
iVan has all the bases covered. iVan’s air-conditioner is protected from potential theft and has your health in mind. The air-conditioner system’s air compressor is fully locked, not needing or having a belt, but using a more streamlined method of moving air through vents in-dash and in-door. Exercise equipment is built into each front door – the easiest to use in the industry. Since iVan commanders gain valuable calorie burning through finessing the steering wheel, iVan navigators, situated optionally to the right of iVan commanders, have an exercise and air-conditioning activation handle that is additionally compensated to allow equal amounts of calorie burning.
For the conscientious and astute consumer always looking to ‘green’ their life and increase their inner environmental ninja, iVan comes to the rescue. iVan’s motor cooling system does not rely on silly fans, but is air powered and sprays small refreshing amounts of ‘green’ when it notices the engine compartment has initiated the included global warming simulator. To escape the eventual and understandable gawk of jealous on-lookers and climate scientists, iVan activates it’s disappear feature, hiding iVan with a ninja smoke screen similar to that of ancient oriental formulas. Couple this feature with the special tint that is classically aged to cause a wavey view of anyone trying to peer into the rear windows and iVan goes ecologically covert.
Finally, iVan’s parking spot reservation technology knows magically where iVan commanders prefer to land their craft by marking the landing area with a permanent hydrocarbon based indicator. The technology works thanks to years of algorithm research from the Valve Cover/Oil Pan engineering team made entirely of sky blue unicorns.
iVan. Perfect for your family. Perfect for you.
And now, at the unbelievably affordable price of $299.
1987 Plymouth Voyager, V6 Automatic, 209k Miles, VIN: 2P4FH4138HR343994, White exterior, Burgundy interior. Aftermarket Radio/Tape Deck and OEM Service Manuals. Transmission rebuilt around 130k miles. Service opportunities described above.
iVan has been in the family since 1991. Not used currently, and would love to pass on the joy.
— About the Owner/Author —
Jason is a computer engineer working at a large corporation for global marketing – and enjoys a good laugh, email, and possessing $299 in cash.